Stacy Zenly

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Hello, my friends! Today, I want to dive into a topic that resonates with all of us deeply: our emotions.

Emotions are such an integral part of our lives—they’re like a compass, guiding us through decisions, relationships, and self-awareness. But let’s be honest: sometimes they can feel overwhelming, confusing, or downright frustrating. So, today, we’re exploring how to decode our feelings, why this process is so important, and how understanding our emotions can empower us to take control of our lives with clarity and confidence. So, let’s dive right into it!

The Power of Decoding Your Feelings

We’ve all experienced those moments when emotions hit us hard, and we don’t know how to react. Maybe you’re feeling angry at someone but can’t quite figure out why. Or perhaps there’s a sadness lingering in your heart that you can’t put your finger on.

Here’s the thing: when we don’t understand our emotions, they often end up controlling us instead of the other way around. Unchecked emotions can lead to stress, miscommunications, decisions we later regret, and even physical illnesses. Research has repeatedly shown that psychological factors can significantly influence our physical health.

So when we learn to decode our feelings—to recognize and name them—we gain the power to respond intentionally rather than react impulsively. This isn’t just about feeling better in the moment. Emotional clarity is foundational for better mental health, deeper relationships, and a more fulfilling life overall.

How Emotions Show Up in Our Lives

Let’s now explore some common emotions and how they show up in our minds and bodies so that you can recognize them more easily when they occur:

Joy

Let’s start with joy. Joy is a beautiful emotion, isn’t it? It feels warm and light, like sunshine inside you. When you’re joyful, you might smile more, feel energized, or notice a sense of connection with the world around you. Often, joy accompanies gratitude, optimism, or even a sense of accomplishment.

Anger

But not all emotions feel so easy to embrace. Take anger, for example. Anger often feels like a hot sensation in your chest or your throat, tension in your jaw, tightness in your chest, or clenched fists. It can come on quickly, and while it’s a valid emotion, it’s usually hiding something deeper. Beneath anger, you might find fear, guilt, or resentment.
Let me explain. If you’re angry, ask yourself: Am I afraid of being hurt, disrespected, or maybe losing something important to me? Or perhaps I feel guilty about something I didn’t handle well. Maybe I feel resentful underneath my anger because someone has crossed my boundaries or hurt me in some way. Decoding anger often reveals the vulnerable emotions beneath it.

Fear

Then there’s fear, which activates our fight-flight-freeze response. You might notice your heart racing, your palms sweating, or even a cold shiver down your spine. Fear is usually protective—it’s trying to alert us to a potential threat. But here’s the trick: sometimes the “threat” is just a story we’re telling ourselves. Recognizing this can help us process fear more effectively.

Sadness

Sadness, on the other hand, often feels heavy. It might show up as lethargy, a tight throat, or even physical exhaustion. But sadness is also a “cover emotion.” It can mask deeper feelings like loneliness, resentment, or even guilt. Have you ever felt sad because someone didn’t understand you? That sadness might be masking resentment or a longing for connection.

The Complexity of Guilt and Shame

Now, let’s talk about guilt and shame — two emotions that often get tangled together.

Guilt usually feels like a weight in your chest or a pit in your stomach. It’s often linked to something you believe you did wrong. But sometimes, guilt isn’t entirely fair—it can stem from unrealistic expectations of yourself or things outside your control.

Shame, though, cuts deeper. While guilt is about what we did, shame is about who we are. It’s that inner voice saying, “I’m not good enough” or “There’s something wrong with me.” Shame can feel like a wound, making us want to hide from the world. But here’s the thing: with time, self-compassion, and understanding, shame can be healed. It takes courage, but by facing those feelings, we can begin to reclaim our power and self-worth.

Resentment

Another common emotion is resentment — a bitterness that can leave us feeling stuck. Resentment often arises when we feel misunderstood or treated unfairly. It’s a mix of sadness and anger that can weigh heavily on our hearts. Physically, resentment often feels like a lump in our throat or tightness in our chest.

Pity

And then there’s pity. While we often think of pity as something we feel for others, it can also manifest as self-pity. Pity is the feeling of sorrow for another person’s misfortune or suffering, often from a distance. It can carry a sense of superiority or disconnection as if we are looking down on someone from a place of “being in a better position.”

Self-pity, on the other hand, involves feeling sorry for ourselves, often in response to challenges, losses, or feelings of unfairness. When we experience self-pity, we might get stuck in victimhood, focusing on how unfortunate we are, rather than looking for ways to move forward or heal. Self-pity can sometimes lead to a cycle of feeling stuck and disempowered.

Both pity and self-pity can feel like emotional weight, often manifesting as tension in the chest, a tight stomach, or a lack of energy as we ruminate on what’s wrong. Addressing self-pity often involves challenging the victim mentality and shifting our perspective toward empowerment—taking responsibility for our situation, finding solutions, and cultivating self-compassion. 
So, instead of saying, “Why is this happening to me?” try asking, “How can I care for myself in this moment? What would I tell myself or do if I were my true best friend?”

Compassion vs. Pity: A Key Distinction

This brings me to an important distinction between pity and compassion. It’s important to understand that self-pity and pity are different from compassion and self-compassion.

While we may feel sorry for what we’ve been through or for others’ struggles, compassion carries a deeper sense of empathy and respect for the person (or ourselves) who is suffering. When we feel self-compassion, we may acknowledge the pain of our own traumas or difficult experiences, but we do so with a sense of understanding, not as someone who feels less than or weak.
Self-compassion involves treating ourselves with the same care and kindness we would offer a friend who is hurting. It’s about acknowledging the struggle but also recognizing our strength in dealing with it, with an eye toward healing and growth.

Similarly, when we feel compassion for others, we recognize their strength and resilience, even as we feel sorrow for their suffering. Compassion means acknowledging that the other person, though they may be facing hardships, has the power and capacity to navigate those struggles. It’s an emotion rooted in respect, solidarity, and support, rather than pity.
When we offer compassion, we see the person’s intrinsic worth and strength —they are not less than we are; they are equal to us in their ability to overcome challenges and grow from them. Thus, compassion is empowering, while pity can often feel disempowering.

Both self-compassion and compassion for others are deeply rooted in respect and recognition of strength, whereas self-pity and pity for others can sometimes stem from a feeling of helplessness or disconnection.

How to Start Decoding Your Emotions

So, now that we’ve gone through some of the common emotions and their characteristics, how do we start this journey of decoding our emotions? Here are four simple steps:

1. Pause and Notice
   The next time you feel a strong emotion, pause. Take a moment to notice where it shows up in your body. Is your chest tight? Are your shoulders tense? This awareness is the first step to understanding.
2. Name the Emotion
   Once you’ve noticed the sensation, try naming the emotion. Are you feeling anger, fear, sadness, or maybe a mix? Naming your feelings helps you create space between the emotion and your reaction.
3. Ask What’s Beneath It
   Then, ask yourself: “What’s underneath this emotion?” Is your anger masking fear? Is your sadness linked to loneliness or resentment? This step can be challenging, but it’s also where the magic happens.
4. Ask Yourself These Questions
   Once you’ve identified the root emotion, ask yourself the following questions. I recommend journaling your answers for better insights and results.

The questions are the following:

• What personal needs or desires lie beneath these root emotions, and what can I do now to address them?
• What specific personal boundaries have been crossed, and how can I assertively yet politely communicate this to the person involved? How can I set and maintain these boundaries in the future?

And just to clarify, let’s define what our personal boundaries are.

Boundaries are the limits and guidelines we set for ourselves in relationships and interactions. They define what is acceptable and respectful to us, based on our personal needs, desires, values, and comfort levels. Boundaries help protect our emotional, mental, and physical space, ensuring that we honor and prioritize our own well-being while maintaining healthy connections with others.

• What limiting beliefs or fears about myself and the world around me are underlying this root emotion, and how can I change these limiting beliefs into more empowering and positive statements?

For example: If you discovered that your limiting belief is “I’m unlovable and no one loves me,” you can change it into something like this: “I know that I’m lovable, as the whole Universe and God love me unconditionally, constantly, and limitlessly.” Or “I am love, I’m loved, and I already have an abundance of love inside of me.” So, you can create some antidote empowering statements and affirmations that feel good for you.

And then repeat them throughout the day multiple times, whether out loud or in your head. You can also repeat them in front of the mirror while looking into your eyes—that can even enhance the impact of these affirmations and statements. Or you can write them somewhere as a sticky note, or even create a desktop or phone wallpaper.
So, you get the gist. You can really be creative with this.

And the last question:

• Where I wasn’t completely honest with myself or others, which led to the emergence of current emotions? And how can I align my life, and my behavior even more with my values and my authentic self?

As we approach the end of this post, I want to remind you that decoding our emotions is a powerful step toward emotional freedom. It empowers us to respond to life with clarity, confidence, and compassion—for ourselves and for others.
In my next post, I’ll dive deeper into other common ‘cover emotions’ like anxiety, jealousy, and more, and explore one of my favorite meditative practices for processing emotions in a healthier, more mindful way.

Thank you for reading till the end! Until next time, take care of yourself, stay mindful, and remember—you are always worthy of love and understanding. Bye for now! 😊